- How to make a child listen to? - What if a relationship with him at an impasse? These and other questions often asked by parents who sought psychological help. Can a psychologist to help them? Of course it can. But will begin with the most difficult - with parent awareness of their responsibility for "disobedience" of his child. After all, as usual? Mom comes to the psychologist and requires you to do something with her child, because to him "that something is wrong." He capricious, closed, unable to communicate with peers, does not do anything around the house, etc. And imagine the surprise of my mother, when psychologist offers to begin work ... with herself. Part of the parents just leave, and those who remain, to be a lot of discoveries about himself and his child, and about their relationship. It turns out that love (and who does not love her child?) Have skillfully.
What education - is a daily balancing on the border between excessive and harsh tutelage authoritarianism, where truth, as always, somewhere in the middle. What's more important is not an abstract love your child and know him well, and his interests and needs - ie understand. Everyone remembers the old movie, where a high school student wrote composition consisting of only one sentence: "Happiness - it's when you understand." Love for a child often means one-sided - to feed, clothe, teach the child anything that he is useful in life, to bring in people, and perhaps all. We used to express concern for expensive gifts, tickets to the prestigious camp, the device in good care or school. All this, of course, important.
But remember, as children often ask us to just sit with them, read a book, listen to their small and large accidents, but we usually respond: "tired", "do not bother," "play itself, you're great." And the child begins to act with all available means in order to get our attention. He refuses to eat, wash, homework, tantrums rolls for any reason. And, finally, (hooray!) mom said, well, let screamed, but a few minutes belonged to him alone, unchallenged. And if then else and regret that fell through, could not resist, even caress, kiss of pity for "poor victim of injustice", the better the end and you can imagine. In most families, parents behaving inconsistently. How could understand all this a child who is just beginning to explore the world? And think how many times a day do you hug, kiss your baby? Add to communicate with him affection, and you will see how much easier it will be an agreement. Indeed, as we usually do? "That's fine, everything is well done, come, I will kiss you!" That is love for something, and the children always feel it. But we need to give love in advance, asking nothing in return. Only then can you truly love your child - simply because it is, there is. We have touched upon the relations of parents and children. But the family - is a complex system in which the child is only one link. Parents swear - this is reflected in the child. Had a second child - is also complicated family relationships. Grandmother came to visit - do not understand who to listen to now and who's in the house. A lot of questions and answers in each case is different. Family - is the daily work of all those in located. Good luck with this hard work and luck to overcome! Catherine Vasilchenko, a family psychologist. Website:
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